PRAYING TO THE ALIENS

Greetings Earthlings,

I’m writing to you from the lunatic nation of Canada where all 338 Members of Parliament stood up en masse to applaud an actual Nazi in the House of Commons, where I was placed under house arrest for refusing to submit to experimental gene transfer injections manufactured by serial corporate criminals and where the Ontario government closed down the hiking trails in 2020 because they figured getting fresh air, vigorous exercise and vitamin D from the sun would leave you more vulnerable to infection of a respiratory virus they believed would pose a mortal threat to anyone silly enough to put away the video games, the fast food and the cheap booze in order to frolic in the great outdoors instead, you know, because of science.

And if you’re thinking they temporarily lost their minds and wouldn’t dream of executing such absurd measures again, may I remind you that earlier this year, the government declared another state of emergency, kept the kids home from school and closed the hiking trails, yet again.

And why did they do such a drastic thing? The Bird Flu? Hanta Virus? Mad Cow Disease? Africanized Bees? Donald Trump?

Nope. They did it coz of the Total Eclipse of the Sun, a once in a lifetime event and a miracle of nature. So rather than exploit this majestical and awe-inspiring spectacle to educate and inspire the imaginations of all the children all over the province, our demented and dysfunctional, cartoon character riddled government locked them down again and ordered all the day care facilities to keep the kids as far away from the windows as humanly possible.

I guess the hope is to create a new generation of cognitively deficient fuckwits who, like their forebearers, will also stand up en masse to applaud actual Nazis in the House of Commons. And given that no-one complained about another such instance of insane government overreach, or even noticed it to be honest, I imagine the project is exceeding beyond all reasonable expectations.

If there were any sane and rational nations out there, I would frame this dissertation as a call for help, but as I lift my head above the parapet to survey our ever-spinning globe, I am forced to recognize that dear old dizzy Planet Earth has descended into full-blown, partisan deranged, cultural psychosis.

At this point, an alien invasion may be our only hope. In the meantime, here’s another episode of The Velvet Buzzsaw.

Slooshy well.